


I Am Jack's Suicidal Thoughts

by MADINIZER



Category: Fight Club - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:50:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MADINIZER/pseuds/MADINIZER
Summary: Jack wants to kill himself, and Tyler will do anything to change his mind.





	I Am Jack's Suicidal Thoughts

I shove the gun into my mouth shakily.

Fuck Fight Club. Fuck Project Mayhem. Fuck Tyler. I'm sick of this shit.

Is there really a point anymore? It's not Tyler and I who run Fight Club. It's not Tyler and I staying up late making soap. It's not Tyler and I pissing in rich asshole's soup. No, it's just Tyler. He completely threw me away. 

Just like my dad; he created a franchise and got bored with it, and left to create another. But the difference between my dad and Tyler is that Tyler made his franchise in my heart.

Tyler came into my life. 

Tyler and I created Fight Club. 

Tyler cleaned my wounds tenderly and gently after a fight.

Tyler walked into my room late at night and held me close against him.

Tyler told us none of us were special snowflakes, but I was his exception.

In the most masochistic way, Tyler made me fall in love with him.

And then, Tyler left me. 

I am Jack's broken heart.

I cocked the gun slowly in my mouth, the cold material sending shivers down my spine. It tasted like shit. And despite me getting ready to blow my own head off I wondered, how clean is this gun?

You know that saying, how you always hurt the one you love? Well it works both ways.

As I stood there helplessly, I began to remember the first time Tyler had kissed me. The follow up to it didn't make it seem like he would step over that boundary with me. But y'know, Tyler is Tyler...

"Get ride of her." He ordered bluntly after he finished splicing sex organs into Marla Singer, and I scoffed.

"You get rid of her!" I shot back without thinking, and Tyler stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around.

I managed to glare at him as he trudged toward me with those beady fucking eyes. God, whenever he stared at me like that it made my groin shift a weird way.

"You wanna say that to my face Psycho-Boy?" He asked, and I could hear the warning in his tone.

I tongued the hole in my cheek angrily. If he was gonna throw a fist at me, I would be ready for it. "Yeah, I said you get rid of her if you hate her so much. Or just stop complaining and marry her already."

In all honesty, I didn't want him to do that. The thought of Marla taking Tyler's last name made me sick.

Marla Durden.

Human Butt-Wipe Durden.

Infecious Human Waste Durden.

Marla. Fucking. Durden.

Tyler didn't say anything. He just stared at me as he licked his pursed lips. The scar on my hand twitched.

"You really think that's what I wanna do? Marry that fucking house pet?"

"Well by the sound of your moans at night it seems like you've made her yours already." I shot back.

Tyler only scoffed. "We're a generation raised by women, Jack. I'm starting to wonder if another woman is really what we need."

Without warning, Tyler smashed his lips against mine, and I let out an embarrassing mewl.

At first I was freaked out. What the actual fuck? First we were arguing about Snow White, and then he was shoving his tongue into my mouth and grinding his hips against mine.

Despite my confusion, I found myself giving into his touch. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to take control, letting my tongue fight against his. Things got heated the more and more we fought for dominance. And I loved every second of it.

Forget bruises and punches and bleeding noses. This was so much better than Fight Club. I've never felt so alive.

"God..." I moaned when his lips latched onto my neck, and Tyler chuckled, his breath tickling my skin, "don't bring God into our makeout session."

 

"Fuck Tyler...we are God's unwanted children." 

Tyler looked at me deviously, before roughly grabbing my ass and saying, "God's unwanted children eh? Hmph, so be it." 

And then, with Tyler's ridiculous strength, he picked me up and carried us up the stairs.

Jack Durden.

Phsyco-Boy Durden.

God's Unwanted Child Durden

Jack. Fucking. Durden.

I shook the stupid memory away. Tyler was always too good to be true. 

I love everything about Tyler Durden, his courage and his smarts. His nerve. Tyler is funny and charming and forceful and independent, and men look up to him and expect him to change their world. Tyler is capable and free, and I am not.

Tyler chose destruction and chaos over me.

I exhaled through my broken nose. My wish right now is for me to die. I am nothing in the world compared to Tyler.

I close my eyes.

I finger the trigger of the gun.

I inhale.

Beads of sweat falls into my open mouth.

I exhale.

Someone takes my hand. 

I inhale.

I feel their lips against the scar of Tyler's kiss.

I exhale.

"What are you doing Jack?" They mumbled warily.

I inhale. With a gun shoved in your mouth, you only speak in vowels.

"Jack, answer me."

I exhale.

"Jack, fucking answer me now."

I inhale.

"Jack!"

Leave me alone.

"JACK!"

I pull the trigger.

I don't feel anything at that moment. I'm not my job. I'm not my suit and tie. I'm not my furniture set..I'm not Tyler's lover.

I don't know what happened. I'm not standing anymore, and everything seems kinda distant. Is this what death feels like?

"Jack!" I hear the voice call again, but I didn't answer.

My body is still moving. It's shaking against someone's broad chest. I begin to cry. 

This isn't death. This is worse than death.

I'm still here.

Calloused hands cradle my face. "I got you Jack. You're fine."

Liar. I'm still here. I'm still a nobody. I'm still the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

"Open your eyes."

No, leave me alone. I'm supposed to be dead. Fucking Tyler, why weren't there any bullets in that gun? Did you somehow know about this?

"Jack, please look at me."

Leave me alone Tyler.

"I'm sorry."

Liar.

"Jack..."

You don't care.

"...please."

I open my eyes.

Tyler's looking down at me. A worried look stretched across his perfect, beautiful face. I want to reach out and touch him. Trail my fingers along his hard jawline. Let his chapped lips kiss my hand. Feel the slit engraved in his raised eyebrow. 

I don't do any of these things.

"Tyler..." I mumble helplessly, "Just let me die."

Tyler looked down at me sadly. His gaze made my stomach churn. Why was he looking at me so pitifully? "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

So, I cry some more. The entire time, Tyler held me as my body shook with loud sobs. Shoulders slowly hunch up, and then drop, drop, drop. Sob, sob, sob.

Once my little episode was finished, I pushed Tyler off of me. He didn't protest.

"Get the fuck away from me Tyler," I said venomously, "I'm done with you controlling me."

Tyler didn't say anything. He stood there silently, watching me slowly pick up the gun and chucking it against the glass window. "I should be dead right now, you selfish prick!"

Before I knew it, I was throwing fists at Tyler's perfect face, and he let me. He didn't laugh while I did this. Only an occasional grunt from here or there whenever I'd kick him in the gut. 

"I fucking hate you!" I seethed, slamming his head into the concrete below us. I heard his jaw crack from the impact, "You left me! I fell in love with you and you fucking left me! Why Tyler? Fucking why?"

Ugh, I've never felt so weak in my life. This is the type of tantrum you would see in some chick-flick, or some weird porno.

Eventually though, my anger faded away, and turned into that all too familiar sadness. And I dropped onto my knees. 

Tyler wiped his bloodied nose and frowned at me with sad eyes. This strange new side of him surprised me. Tyler being sad? The only thing Tyler expresses is greed and lust. This had to be some trick.

"Jack..." Was all Tyler said at first, before he picked himself up and crawled over towards me.

I wanted to pull away when his hand cupped my sunken in face, but I couldn't resist his warm, welcoming touch. Even after I beat him up he still had this sickening control over me. 

"Please Tyler...just stop this." I whispered, a few stray tears falling down my bruised cheeks. Tyler wiped them away with his thumb.

There was silence between us (well, except for my violent sniffling and occasional sobs) for a while, before Tyler broke the silence with his gruff voice.

"I'm sorry I left you Jack," Tyler said, "I got so caught up in Project Mayhem and taking over the world and Marla that I completely disregarded what meant the most to me. "

I didn't say anything in response. I was too surprised that Tyler owned up to abandoning me.

"What was more important to you Tyler," I stared into his piercing eyes, "Me, or taking over the world?"

Tyler's face got closer towards mine, and I bit my lip.

"You." 

Before I knew it, Tyler's lips were softly moving against mine. I didn't even try to push him away this time. I had missed this intimacy with him for so long that I couldn't hold back my feelings anymore.

The kiss was slow but desperate. I could tell that Tyler had missed this closeness too.

I ran a hand through his shaved hair slowly. In all honesty, I hated the fact that he had shaved it. I had missed running my fingers through his long, blond locks late at night when we were done with a fight, or exhausted from fucking or making soap. 

It didn't make him any less beautiful though. 

Wow, I am such a chick. Pity.

When he and I parted for air I asked, "After all this time Tyler, why am I all of a sudden important to you?"

Tyler nuzzled my shoulder and sighed. "Because I could've lost you again Jack."

I gulped nervously. "H-how did you even know I was up here?"

"You weren't laying in my bed like usual." He replied, "and this is where you shot yourself last time Phsyco-Boy."

I frowned. Now why did Tyler think it was bad that I were to die? He knew I didn't wanna stick around and become his fuck buddy again. I'd rather die than go through that emotional rollar coaster again.

As much as I hate Tyler for doing this to me, I still give in every time.

"Jack." Tyler's voice abruptly pierced through the silence, and I looked up at him.

His expression looked conflicted and torn, and my chest ached at the sight of his sad eyes. 

Tyler's next response was slow, drawn out, and very unexpected

"I love you...so much...and if you're willing to take me back, I promise I'll always put you above everything else."

My breath hitched. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just lost cabin pressure.


End file.
